Dating Sucks

Went on yet another internet blind date the other day.... Turned out the same as always... one of two choices.... I have absolutely no interest in him once I meet him in person and never want to see him again (let alone have him touch me or try to kiss me (EWWWWWW!)) - OR- as this one - I kind of liked him or thought maybe I could like him, and yet, then never hear from him again (aka He Is Not Interested).

This last one kind of puzzles me. Why would someone NOT want to see ME again? I am GREAT! (It has taken a lifetime to feel this way about myself, by the way!). I am fun, smart, sexy, successful! Ok, I am not your average looking WASPY beauty.... I am short, curvy... Is that the problem, always? Is it that I am smart and independent and men do not like that? Are they intimidated by that, as some men have told me other men might think? Is it because my butt is too big? I am too excited about life? I have my own thoughts and opinions? I ask questions? I want to talk about myself as well as hear about you?

It is very confusing, and VERY frustrating.....

Hopes about "Perhaps THIS will be the one! Then I can give up all of this looking and dating crap! And can be happy with a man and enjoy a relationship!", come crashing down as each day passes without a call, an email, a text, an offer, a suggestion, a flirting........

Sigh......

Yet more prolonged waiting, looking.... trying not to be obsessed about the whole subject and try to refocus on myself and my life... enjoying myself and my life versus waiting to find someone to do some fun things with and enjoy things with......

Disappointment, rejection, anger, hurt, resentment, confusion, upsetedness..... Trying not to be caught up in the roller coaster of emotions surrounding the issues of love, sex, committment, dating, marriage, hopes, companionship, dreams, partnership.......

Trying not to go back to thoughts about the ex and the disappointments surrounding that whole subject, as well....... (i.e. "If only he would get his head out of his ass and realize what he is passing by!!!!!!")

Sigh....

Dating......

Do I look for older men? Younger men? Taller men? Shorter men? Men I find sexy and attractive? Men I do NOT find sexy and attractive? Men who are interested in pursuing me? Men who I am interested in persuing? Do I wait to approach men? Wait for them to approach me? Do I ask them out on dates? Do I give it all up for a while and just focus on me? Do I stop looking, completely (as so many friends suggest: "It happens when you are NOT looking!")? Or do I go with my usual theory of not letting an opportunity pass by? Do I give up internet dating? Do I join new hobbies, activities, groups, etc...? Do I just do my usual thing and wait some more for another possibility to come my way, eventually....? Do I change something about myself? Do I lose weight? Do I do something different? Do I let them do something different?

Always, in these realms, more questions than answers... . And everyone has an opinion, and yet none of them feel right for me..........


-Z