Continued....

I think Lillian "Lilly" Allison, will be her name... if I ever do follow through on that..... And I will raise her peacefully, gently, quietly, calmly, nurturingly, lovingly, and will call her "Beautiful" and "Gorgeous" each and every day. That will be her nickname. So that she grows up with that image of herself, no matter what...... What all of us girls and women so badly need!!!!!

I think it is good, very good, that I had that thought, a dream, a vision beyond myself, beyond my current life, beyond only him and thoughts of him.... That is good! That is growth, movement!!! So necessary!

It is about time that I break free mentally and emotionally from him, in every way, including in my thoughts and dreams and visions!!! These things have been locked so long around him.....!

So YAY! Progress! Movement! Growth! Healing! Health! YAYAYYYYY!

I realized, too, that today is April 1st! I have been thinking that I should start losing weight/dieting April 1st. That has been my goal day to start and here it is, I realized! Aside from my feminist self, I want to lose 10 lbs, at least, to start with. Ten pounds. That sounds doable, at least! Not too overwhelming, depriving and hopeless! That will be a good start, anyways.... I love my strong, beautiful, healthy body! But I am miserable with my added weight... I am disgusted, saddened and miserable. That is no way to be and feel about myself! I remember my thinner self! My free-er thinner self!!! Free-er in movement, lighter..... My "fatter" clothes are now too tight... that is not a good sign... In years past, I attributed that to clothes dryer shrinkage!!! Until I realized too late that was not it!!!! So, no more denial, and yes, starting today, this is my plan!

So that is good. We will see how I do in terms of sugar... For 10 years I did not eat sugar! Gave it up!!!! I need to get back to that... So we shall see.

10 lbs. That will be my (manageable) goal. Not too depriving so that I am not miserable in my thoughts and heart!

And it is a good time of the year to do this! Spring! Heading into Summer! More movement, excersize, possibilities for movement!

I will let you all know how it is going!!!!

Love,
OKC