Realization!

I've just realized this morning what my journey is, right now.... To create within myself self-esteem and self-respect!

It is a long, hard journey. I struggle constantly. I make decisions based on my Weak Self, my low self-esteem self, and then I feel even more shitty about myself. I make gains with self-respect by standing up for myself, but still allow too many people to influence my thoughts and feelings about myself and my world.

Thinking about the latest man situation, where I asked for my needs and did not get them delivered, I was thinking, what do I do next? I struggled with that for days, until this morning, I realized that what I do is I turn him down when he asks to come over and visit. I say no, you can invite me to DO SOMETHING, first!

Men want things the easy way. Come on over and fuck me. I'll come over and fuck you. FUCK THAT! Visiting is an easy opening for moving closer, cuddling, fucking. Forget it!

I want to go out! Do fun things! Have fun! Whether that is lunch, dinner, a walk, a movie, a road trip, adventure.... WHATEVER! Go out! I want to go out into the world with a companion!

If I had kids, that would be different. I would NEED to stay home and people would HAVE to visit to see me. But I do not. I am free and single and unemcumbered by much. I love to go out and have fun and enjoy myself and the world and life!

So, I finally figured out that I can and will say "No!" Wow! What a concept! In this answer, I felt self-respect and self-esteem. And it was then I realized my journey.

I am very disappointed in men, in the men in my life, in men in general. But I can have a fantastic life and enjoy myself, regardless. And that is what I plan to do!!!!